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Go Back   Fun In B.C. > Everything else > Jokes Jokes Jokes

Jokes Jokes Jokes Any kind of jokes are good but no x-rated when in doubt put those in the access room

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  #1  
Old 05-14-2014, 12:42 PM
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Apathy Apathy is offline
All The FIBC women love my
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: puyallup Wa
Posts: 5,663
Apathy Good newbie
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anger management worth the read

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first ass hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is..'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole !'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fair fax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
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so, how was the dick?
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Salty as usual
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  #2  
Old 05-14-2014, 02:06 PM
BleepinJeep BleepinJeep is offline
Having FUN IN B.C.
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Great White North
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BleepinJeep Good newbie
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Thank you!!! That made my day
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Old 05-14-2014, 03:54 PM
jeep wrangler jeep wrangler is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: a way away from paradise
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jeep wrangler Good newbie
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That's the best laugh I've had in awhile made my day
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Old 05-14-2014, 04:11 PM
Yager Yager is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 564
Yager Good newbie
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I've read this one before, and its just as funny this time too. Thanks for the laugh!
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  #5  
Old 05-14-2014, 07:16 PM
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bakelite bakelite is offline
kill cancer
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Lonesome Dove, Cariboo, BC
Posts: 8,294
bakelite bad newbie
Reputation: 5
good one
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