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Jokes Jokes Jokes Any kind of jokes are good but no x-rated when in doubt put those in the access room

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  #1  
Old 06-25-2013, 07:36 AM
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T 'n' A Barbie T 'n' A Barbie is offline
I make happypants get a
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The art of the written word.

I'd say she expresses herself very well...

This is an actual letter from an Austin Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
This was PC Magazine's 2007 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always' maxi pads for Over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our Intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you freakin kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period?

Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle with a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull***t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
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  #2  
Old 06-25-2013, 07:45 AM
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Tunabomber Tunabomber is offline
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ya bitches sure complain alot

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Old 06-25-2013, 07:50 AM
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Tinker Belle Tinker Belle is offline
I love Tinker's
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Lol tunas not having a happy period
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:51 AM
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Team Cliqueless
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women
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Old 06-26-2013, 07:16 AM
Sultan Steve Sultan Steve is offline
Now I see what FIBC is about
 
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How the fuck does something bleed for a week and not die????

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Old 06-26-2013, 10:34 AM
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procircuit procircuit is offline
jamming in my
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sultan Steve View Post
How the fuck does something bleed for a week and not die????

do not trust.
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  #7  
Old 07-15-2013, 12:40 AM
lil'finger lil'finger is offline
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ahaha! she has a fantastic point, I fucking hate when I hear "have a happy period" it just makes me wanna yell go fuckyourself very loudly at the television.
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