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Go Back   Fun In B.C. > Everything else > Jokes Jokes Jokes

Jokes Jokes Jokes Any kind of jokes are good but no x-rated when in doubt put those in the access room

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  #1  
Old 11-02-2012, 09:37 AM
Chody Chody is offline
Jimmy Rustler
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Shit Meadows
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How the fight started

may be a repost but w/e


________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then asked,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school

reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his

drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on

celebrating for that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting

to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had

something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,

making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she

thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into

the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again

I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the

grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the

garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather

would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to

verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at

home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for

me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at

the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped

your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you

to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started...
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  #2  
Old 11-02-2012, 11:06 AM
procircuit's Avatar
procircuit procircuit is offline
jamming in my
Swollen Member
 
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LOL..
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  #3  
Old 11-02-2012, 12:30 PM
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Tunabomber Tunabomber is offline
665 neighbor of the beast
 
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Location: coq bc
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Tunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond reputeTunabomber has a reputation beyond repute
Reputation: 1000001
Second to last
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  #4  
Old 11-02-2012, 04:44 PM
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CITYSLICKER CITYSLICKER is offline
all I do is play with my
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Location: Aldergrove
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CITYSLICKER bad newbie
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  #5  
Old 11-03-2012, 01:54 PM
Yager Yager is offline
Not a Newbie
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 564
Yager Good newbie
Reputation: 14
I love the dust one
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  #6  
Old 11-04-2012, 01:19 PM
Hellboy Hellboy is offline
iEdited my Title in 'User CP'
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 1,133
Hellboy Unknown Newbie
Reputation: 10
lmao.
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