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I'm not here
04-15-2014, 04:08 PM
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a
larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the
congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago,
stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with
a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to
transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam Brown, a
successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, 'If the
Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and
establish a foundation to guarantee private


secondary school education of his children!' More sighs and loud
applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If
the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.' There is total silence. The
Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy
lady, whatever possessed you to say that?' Agnes's 90-year old
husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the
palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his
wife replies:'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he
said, 'Fuck him'.