View Full Version : Some more funnies

06-11-2013, 08:33 PM
Smart Doctor

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow , worried about her husband's temper
and threatening manner. The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?

The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every
time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your
husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start
swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until
he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home
drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me
even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "Janet, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger
all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

06-11-2013, 08:36 PM
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!"

"Blow jobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...? No more blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off...!

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.

She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone."

06-11-2013, 08:38 PM