View Full Version : Gavman's Family Stories

05-10-2012, 09:11 AM

Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, onlythis year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain andMary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last yearI went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So what are yougoing to do this year?.Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"....Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy:"We'll lie and say we only found two."

Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find theshampoo?" Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've justwet mine."

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy"he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says,"I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOTBEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thingup.

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and hercontractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shoutsPaddy, "this is her husband!"

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you putin the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies.

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet."What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself" Paddyreplies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

An answer I can understand. An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be inthe bloody boat."

T 'n' A Barbie
05-10-2012, 11:14 AM
hahahaha, nice