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View Full Version : Got a Kick outta this !!!!


T 'n' A Barbie
07-28-2011, 12:19 PM
Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. Thewedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg,Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son left home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.

T 'n' A Barbie
07-28-2011, 12:23 PM
A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives.

The doctor examines the boys and tells the woman that they are healthy but she needs to give them iron supplements. She goes home and wonders exactly what iron supplements are. Finally, she goes to the hardware store and buys iron ball bearings (BB's) and mixes them into their food.


Several days later the youngest son comes to her and tells her that he is pissing BB's. She tells him that it is normal because she had put them in his food. Later the middle son comes to her and says that he is crapping BB's. Again, she says that it is ok.


That evening the eldest son comes in very upset. He says "Ma, you won't believe what happened". She says "I know, you're passing BB's". "No", he says. "I was out behind the barn jacking off and I shot the dog".

T 'n' A Barbie
07-28-2011, 12:26 PM
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...
o O
...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
O o
I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."

T 'n' A Barbie
07-28-2011, 12:28 PM
There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. So they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend. And she says, "I call my man 7-up." They ask her," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he's seven inches long and is always up. They ask the second girl what she calls her man. She says," I call my man Mountain Dew." They ask," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he likes to Mount me and to Do me." They ask the third girl the same thing and she says, "I like to call my man Jack Daniels." They look at her puzzled and say," Why do you call your man that, Jack Daniels is a Hard Liquor," and she says, "Exactly."

Barndog
07-28-2011, 01:16 PM
3 ducks go walkin in the park and notice the no duck sign , they ignore it , when all of sudden out comes the park narc and asks what are you doin , the ducks reply out for a walk , narc askes for their names and what are you doing 1st one goes my name is Duck and i'm blowing bubbles ,narc goes to 2nd one and ask who and what 2nd duck goes my name is Duck Duck and i am blowing bubbles narc turns to 3rd duck and says i know your name is Duck Duck Duck correct 3rd duck says no my name is Bubbles

Barndog
07-28-2011, 01:28 PM
YOU Asked for it Now !!
Martha and Stu are getin ready to go out for the old timers day trip , when Stu goes to Martha and says why don't we skip out i'm fellin a little frisky , Martha approves , so Stu says i have not gone down on you for awhile , Martha gets all excited , after a couple minutes Stu pulls out gives his head a shake and thinks inside his head about what it is like now , he just figures it has been a while and goes down again , a few minutes goes by and he pulls out and goes Martha wha'st goin on i don't remember it being this bad . Martha replies it's me arthritis , Stu "what you have arthritis in your vagina " Martha "no it's me arthritis in my shoulder i have not been able wipe in 6 months !!

T 'n' A Barbie
07-28-2011, 02:33 PM
YOU Asked for it Now !!
Martha and Stu are getin ready to go out for the old timers day trip , when Stu goes to Martha and says why don't we skip out i'm fellin a little frisky , Martha approves , so Stu says i have not gone down on you for awhile , Martha gets all excited , after a couple minutes Stu pulls out gives his head a shake and thinks inside his head about what it is like now , he just figures it has been a while and goes down again , a few minutes goes by and he pulls out and goes Martha wha'st goin on i don't remember it being this bad . Martha replies it's me arthritis , Stu "what you have arthritis in your vagina " Martha "no it's me arthritis in my shoulder i have not been able wipe in 6 months !!


lol....hilarious...NASTY... but hilarious !!!

crazybushcreature
07-28-2011, 04:16 PM
lol nice. the BB one when he shoots the dog haha

RuskinRider81
07-28-2011, 04:36 PM
Good... Nice way to end the work day!!
The Jack Schitt is my fav but the BB is also good...
lol lol lol lol

BuckNaked
07-28-2011, 09:41 PM
where do you find all these haha theres no way u could remember them all in your head

BuckNaked
07-28-2011, 09:46 PM
Theres a plane with a canadian, an american, and a chinese guy all on board. The captain says that theres too much weight on the plane and that each of them must throw something they dont need off the plane to prevent a crash. The chinese guy grabs a box full of chopsticks and says ' we have too many of these in our country' and throws them off the plane. The american guy grabs a crate full of guns and says ' we have too many of these in our country ' and throws them off the plane. . .

.

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.The Canadian guy throws the chinese guy off the plane