PDA

View Full Version : Oil change


Fireball
11-16-2010, 09:38 AM
For women who need a laugh ....., and men with a sense of humor

Oil Change Instructions For Women:

Drive into Mr. Lube when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:

Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00

Oil Change Instructions For Men:

Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under caravan.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Drink beer.
Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
Begin swearing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
Beer.
Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
Beer.
Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
Car is impounded.
Call loving wife, make bail.
12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,185.00
But you know the job was done right!

youngun
11-16-2010, 09:42 AM
hahaha, fun, yet very true, hopfully the DUI part doesn't come into play in my case.

mudball
11-16-2010, 11:29 AM
Yah that's so true so true[cheers]

85chevy
11-16-2010, 01:25 PM
Hahaha sounds like my cousin doing his oil change at my house except it was [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] I wonder if I take long enough someone will do it for me [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] [cheers] 2 hours later he got it done....

crazybushcreature
11-16-2010, 01:26 PM
hahah funny[cheers]

raginglepricon
11-16-2010, 06:01 PM
LMFAO[cheers] :ballsmack [15] [15] [15] [15] so true

Chopstick
11-16-2010, 10:17 PM
thats awesome [36] [36]

Metal Mulisha
11-17-2010, 04:01 PM
ya good one

ManDown
11-17-2010, 04:53 PM
For women who need a laugh ....., and men with a sense of humor

Oil Change Instructions For Women:

Drive into Mr. Lube when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
15 minutes later, Mr lube employee comes over and sais, you need a tranny flush a coolant flush, new front and rear breaks, new air filter, new tires, and several other misc. parts
wait for unliscensed mechanic to monkey around under the car for a while
unliscensed mechanic does all work, forgets to put oil plug back in
pay bill
drive down the road
oil light comes on
ignore oil light keep driving
car dies
tow to another shop
new engine

Oil Change: $40.00
tranny flush $200
coolant flush $160
front and rear breaks $1200
air filter $20
new tires mounted and balanced $800
new shop to diagnose problem + crate engine $5000
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $7422
Oil Change Instructions For Men:

Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under caravan.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Drink beer.
Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
Begin swearing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
Beer.
Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
Beer.
Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
Car is impounded.
Call loving wife, make bail.
12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,185.00

Still $3237 cheaper then the womens
and you know the job was done right!

ManDown
11-17-2010, 04:54 PM
there fixed it for ya [cheers]

North49
11-20-2010, 03:43 AM
:D Hahaha