View Full Version : Mother Fucken Jokes

05-22-2010, 03:14 PM
ENJOY [cheers]

"A husband and his wife are watching a TV show about psychology that explains the phenomenon of "mixed emotions." The husband turns to his wife and says," Honey, thats bullshit, i bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time" She says, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

:confused0006: :confused0006: :confused0006:

A wife says 2 her husband, ''Bulls can fuck 3000 times a year, Why can't you?'' The husband replies, ''Ask the bull if he fucks the same cow every night !''



A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

What did the left vagina lip say to the right vagina lip?

We used to be tight :(


dirka dave
05-22-2010, 03:35 PM
fucking good Reece !!!


yoda thrills
05-22-2010, 03:37 PM

05-22-2010, 03:42 PM
Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign shows :

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor, and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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3 men go for an interview for the CIA.
the first man walks in, the interviewer says, "take this gun, go into that room, and kill the person waiting inside". the man takes the gun, walks in, sees his newlywed wife of 6 months inside. he immediately leaves the room and says to the interviewer, "no way am i killing my wife, i love her!", and leaves the interview.
the second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and finds his wife of 5 years waiting inside the room. he thinks for a few moments, then leaves the room, saying to the interviewer, "i cant do it... shes my wife", and leaves the interview.
the third man has been married for 25 years. he takes the gun and walks into the room, finding his wife inside. the interviewer listening from the other side of the door, hears "BANG, BANG!!" and some struggling and screams. 1 minute later, the man walks out of the room. the interviewer is shocked and asks, "what happened!??" the man replies, "some IDIOT put blanks in the gun, so i had to STRANGLE her to death".

05-22-2010, 03:51 PM
funny shit right there

05-23-2010, 12:14 AM
nice ... good ones